An encounter with love: Through forty awe-inspiring principles!
It was April, 2021. I was attending the Beach House project -an event for creators and young entrepreneurs, after eighteen restricted travel free months due to spread of the Covid pandemic. In between, on one of the days while swimming at the property, I came across a friend who had asked me if I’ve read the book “The forty rules of love”. In hindsight, of course he was hitting on me! But since it was a harmless encounter, I decided to indulge in conversation. “I bought the book a couple of years ago but didn’t finish past the ‘the killer’ chapter at the beginning, owing to reading more of business books on of late”-I replied. “This book is a must read. I’ve read and absorbed it at least eight times!” he quoted as we were chatting through random stories ranging from books, cocktails to game of thrones and its grey direwolf. Excited and curious about topics on love, faith and friendship, which I’d not addressed since kindergarten, I decided to pick this book up to find ‘answers’ to some basic-elemental questions of life.
As a quote from the book says-
“Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformation. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven’t loved enough”.
Like this quote, reading this book is an encounter with love that one has to experience in life. Shafak through her extraordinary storytelling transforms you, heals you and leaves you enthralled at places, making you think deeply about your entire journey within and outside.
Just like the holy Quran, all the chapters in the book start with the letter ‘B’. Split in 5 parts –The earth, water, wind, fire and void denoting the elements of the universe, the book explains the essence of love and life through two parallel narratives extended through the relationship of contemporary lovers - Ella Rubinstein and Aziz Z. Zahara, the author of ‘Sweet Blasphemy’ set in modern day America and a tale within, of a friendship between the sufi poet Rumi and Shams of Tabriz set in 13th century Turkey. The book moves back and forth through the two time periods gorgeously.
The other characters are mainly based out of Rumi’s household and a range of others including Suleiman the drunk, Hassan the beggar and Desert Rose the harlot each contributing its own way to kindle the transformation of Rumi. The beauty lies in the companionship of Rumi and Sham’s of Tabriz, both of who consider their friendship as a gift of God and end up becoming each other’s mirrors while throwing away the forty thought provoking rules amidst the chapters.
But is there a way to grasp and understand what love means without becoming a lover? Indeed.
“Love cannot be explained. It can only be experienced. Love cannot be explained. Yet it explains all!”
The story weaves true words of wisdom by explaining that when a stone hits a river, nothing really changes. But when a stone hits a lake, the lake is never the same again as the flash of water multiplies through many folds. Similarly, once love hits the pond of your life, it doesn’t remain the same anymore. Love becomes the reason. Love becomes the goal. Love becomes the dance. Love becomes the dream. Love becomes the hope and love becomes the music of the universe. Love changes the lead characters- Ella and Rumi’s life forever. Just as dervishes dance their way through love and heart breaks, through hurt or grief, with joy and elation, alone or together, slow and fast as the flow of water, they too learn to live life in inspired ways following one religion-The religion of love.
Why forty? Is there power in forty?
Forty, according to the book is the most beautiful age both for men and women. Forty symbolizes the ascent from one level to a higher level and a spiritual awakening. We mourn for 40 days. It takes forty days for a new born baby to get ready and start life on earth. We need to wait 40 days when we love to be sure of our feelings. The flood of Noah lasted for 40 days, though the waters destroyed life, it also washed all impurity away and enabled human beings to make a new fresh start. According to Islamic mysticism, there are 40 degrees between man and God. Likewise, Jesus went to wilderness for 40 days. Muhammad was 40 days old when he received the call to become a prophet. Buddha meditated under a linden tree for 40 days.
Not to mention the 40 rules of shams-the forty principles of love and life!
Hence, like the book, I’ve explained a few moving rules of love briefly through five elements of the universe.
Earth-Things that are solid, absorbed and still.
1.How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If God brings to mind mostly fear and blame, it means there is too much fear and blame welled within us. If we see God as full of love and compassion, so are we.
2.Intellect and love are made of different levels. Intellect ties people in knots and risks nothing, but love dissolves all tangles and risks everything. Intellect is always cautious and advises, ‘Beware too much ecstasy’ where as love says ‘Never mind! Take the plunge’. Intellect doesn’t breakdown where as love can effortlessly reduce itself to a rubble. But treasures are hidden among ruins. A broken heart hides treasures.
3.Loneliness and solitude are two different things. When you’re lonely, it’s easy to delude yourself into believing you are on the right path. Solitude is better for us, it means being alone without feeling lonely. But eventually it’s best to find a person, a person who will be your mirror. Remember only in another person’s heart can you truly see yourself and the presence of God within you.
Water –Things that are fluid, changing and unpredictable.
4.Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the Neighborhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for what he has been denied.
5.Patience doesn’t mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process. What does patience mean? It means to look at the thorn and see the rose, to look at the night and see the dawn. Impatience means to be so shortsighted to not be able to see the outcome. The lovers of God never run out of patience, for they know that time is needed for crescent moon to become full.
6.The quest for love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for Love who as not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for Love, you start you start to change within and without.
Wind – The things are the shift, evolve and challenge
7.Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And don’t worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?
8.Real filth is the one inside. The rest simply washes off. There is one type of dirt that cannot be cleansed with pure waters, and that is the stain of hatred and bigotry contaminating the soul. You can purify your body through abstinence and fasting, but only love will purify your heart.
9.The whole universe is contained within a single human being –you. Everything that you see around, including things you might not be fond of and even people you despise and abhor, is present within you in varying degrees. Therefore, do not look for the shaitan outside yourself either. The devil is not an extraordinary force that attacks form without. It’s an ordinary voice within. If you get to know yourself fully, facing with honesty and hardness both your dark and bright sides, you will arrive at supreme form of consciousness. When a person knows himself or herself, he or she knows God.
Fire- Things that damage, devastate and destroy
10.If you want to change the way others treat you, you should change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely. There is no way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage however, be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It’s a sign that you will soon be showered with roses.
11.The universe is one being. Everything and everyone is interconnected through an invisible web of stories. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a silent conversation. Do no harm. Practice compassion. And do not gossips behind anyone’s back-not even a seemingly innocent remark. The words that come out of our mouths do not vanish but are perpetually stored in infinite space and they will come back to us in due time. One man’s pain will hurt us all. One man’s joy will make everyone smile.
12.The world is like a snowy mountain that echoes your voice. Whatever you speak, good or evil, will somehow comeback to you. Therefore, if there is someone who harbors ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of manovelent energy. Instead for 40 days or nights say and think nice things about that person. Everything will be different at the end of forty days, because you will be different inside.
The void- Things that are present through their absence
13.The world is erected upon the principle of reciprocity. Neither a drop of kindness nor a speck of evil will remain unreciprocated. Fear not the plots, deceptions, or tricks of other people. If somebody is setting a trap, remember so is God. He is the biggest plotter. Not even a leaf stirs outside God’s knowledge. Simply and fully believe in that. Whatever God does, he does beautifully.
14.God is a meticulous clock maker, so precise is His order that everything on earth happens in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone without exception, the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love and a time to die.
15.A life without love is no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western…divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple.
“Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire!“The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”
It is May 27th, 2021 today. Nearly, forty days of an extended encounter of figuring-out this book. And I’m a transformed person. My belief and faith in God has been newly restored- as I warmly quote one of the forty rules to my mother on believing in the miracles of God. ‘Wise!’ she comments as I end this review and send a copy of the write-up to the fortunate encounter that suggested I read this book.
"Lipsa Mohanty is currently working as a Manager in Citi Bank. She is a post graduate in Economics(H) from Madras School of Economics after having completed her graduation from Lady Shri Ram College, New Delhi. She has close to 8 years of experience working in the Banking and Analytics domain and has worked for MNCs such as American Express and Royal Bank of Scotland in the past.A bibliophile at heart and an aspiring writer who is learning the craft, she enjoys travelling, blogging and listening to music in her free time. She currently resides in Bhubneshwar with her family due to the work from home situation due to the Covid pandemic."
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